Hello! First post here, so I really hope I'm doing this right. Anyways, this is the first part of my story. I'm just looking for simple critique, as in what bored you, what you enjoyed and such. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them!
Darkness. That was all that there was when he opened his eyes. Just darkness and cold. That was all he woke to, and nothing else.
A blank empty world.
There he sat in the darkness, too confused to speak, too frozen to think. No light to be found, all he knew was the dark. Somewhere, far, far away in the darkness, he heard a thud, like the pound of a giant’s hammer. It echoed on and on, and with it the very ground shook. It knocked him off his feet, landing him knees-first on the cold, hard ground. He winced in pain and lifted himself up, breathing in the dank, musty air. Then another jolt came. And another. And another. And again he fell to the ground, this time, staying there.
With each shake, the questions flooded in.
Where am I?
What’s going on?
Then the worst of all:
Who am I?
The thoughts rushed through his head, too quick to grasp, too hard to answer. Absolutely nothing. His mind was blank. No place. No reason. No memory. No name.
There he sat in the dark as the sands of time slipped by, meaningless. After another eternity, he stood up, unable to stay still any longer and decided to feel around. That way he could get some sense of where he was, or what was going on. Figure out where you are first, think about who you are later, he thought to himself. He had barely taken five steps forwards when he hit a wall, face first. He tumbled backwards, hitting his head against another wall. He groaned and cursed himself. Hands out while feeling around, he said to nobody at all. Hands out.
Tentatively, he reached forwards in again, this time to find a roughly hewn wall of stone. He ran his hands all across it, but it was unbroken by any carving or door. He moved to his hand to the right, only to find yet another wall. The same went for behind him. He swung his arm out to the left, expecting more stone but only finding cold, hard metal. It rang out with a clang, and when he drew his hand back it was bleeding.
He cursed himself. Blood ran down his hand, soaking into his shirt sleeve. He tore a strip of his sleeve and wrapped it tightly around his hand, and gradually, the bleeding stopped. Despite the total black, he looked around again, trying to visualize the space. Wherever he was trapped, it wasn’t very large. Another jolt came, stronger this time. Closer.
He turned back to where he had cut himself and slowly, carefully reached towards it. The metal was cold and rough, and with a further inspection, it appeared that here and there were gaps in it. It was almost as if… no. No, no no, no no no. They couldn’t be bars, could they? No. How would that be? Why would he be in a jail cell? He didn’t do anything wrong, he told himself. Or did he? Maybe. The memory lapse wasn’t being very helpful.
The endless abyss began to press in on him, and oh, the silence. The dead silence. Was he alone? Perhaps. But the only way to possibly know was to try. He went to call out. After all, he decided, maybe someone else knew what was going on.
‘Hell-’ he rasped, his throat dry as sandpaper. He sprung into a painful coughing fit, going on for what seemed like forever. Eventually the pain subsided, becoming just a scratching in his throat. ‘Hello?’ he tried again into the darkness.
It would have been better if nothing had happened, if everything stayed silent. If the darkness had given no response, if the endless abyss was just empty, then it would have been okay. Instead, were cries of terror, groans of pain, rasping growls, and other unnameable sounds. Others, and by the sound of it, a lot of others.
Small cages. Metal bars. The sick. The dying. No food or water. People crammed wherever they could fit.
He was in a prison. A dark, dank dungeon.
He sat there in silence, fearful to speak for another eternity. Somewhere down the corridor a blinding light was lit. Prisoners fearfully flitted back into the recesses of their cells, and he shielded his eyes from the blinding glare. It all got brighter and brighter, and hotter too. Eerie shadows played on the walls, ever growing. Far off he heard a shriek, and the sound of approaching footsteps.
All was silent, not a word, not a single other noise. Nothing but the slapping of feet on stone. Approaching slowly. Ever so slowly.
As the shadow grew, the more defined it’s features became. The unnaturally long arms. The gnarled clawed hands. Long, thin, spidery legs.
It approached, growing larger and larger. Fear began to press in on him. Closer and closer the Thing shambled. Unfaltering.
It couldn’t be coming towards him though. It couldn’t be. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands of other people in there. It couldn't be him. No, no it couldn't. Or could it? That – thing, whatever it was didn't slow. He could hear it’s ragged breathing echoing through the halls.
Fear. It was feeding off his fear, and that of the others too. But he didn’t know that. How could he have?
The thing was close. Just out of sight, it stood there. He could feel it.
A clawed foot appeared in front of the bars. Then an arm. The rest of the monster followed. It sat there before him, staring.
It was an abomination. It's skin, if you could call it that was bubbly and grey. Hide would be more fitting term.
It's claws razor sharp, sharp enough to cut through the bars. Gnarled long arms nearly reached down to the floor. Where a face should have been, there was nothing. No nose. No mouth. Just hollows where eyes should have been. A blank expressionless slate.
Something in it vaguely reminded him of a human. Perhaps it was the way it stood, or how it stared at him with empty eyes. A dark, twisted reflection of something once like him, perhaps.
But no longer.
It approached, melting through the bars, and he recoiled in horror. As he backed into the wall, the monster stretched its arm out towards him, the distance between them shrinking too quickly. He swung at the monster, his fists sinking into its cold clammy flesh. It grabbed his arm, crushing it with a vice-like grip. He screamed in pain.
With its other arm, it hit him over the head hard. He felt his legs go weak and give out beneath him.
His senses disconnected, he heard a thud before he even hit the ground.