Long time lurker here and first time poster. I have an ambition to write my first novel and I have most of the structure and content planned out. Now I face the "simple" task of putting it all on paper in a readable fashion.

Here is a short ~500 word intro to my world and I would like to know what you think.

What aspects do you want to elaborate? What caught your attention? Am I making some general setting error that I should'nt be making?

My goal is to make this introduction into a prolougue of around 2000 words.

I know the style of writing can be a bit odd. But this is the general narrative style I want to go with.


In The beginning there was sand. Atleast thats what they all say. In order to understand this story you must first understand the world as to where it is set.

This world, is a world not unlike many others, there is monsters and men, although as always, that line can be a bit unclear at times.

There is mountains and rolling hills, caves and swamps; and plains full of cities ranging from honorable kingdoms, to rough and tumble towns where one would visit only on their own risk. Although as always, that line can be a bit unclear at times.

The mountains and hills are a place of constant conflict, there the different clans of dwarfes and gnomes employ their machines of war against the tribes of goblins and the occasional mercenary band in a great contest of territory and resources. The swamps and great caves are a mystery to all of this world, No one is really sure what dwells in those mysterious territories, and no one really wants to find out either. Except the occasional fortune seeker, and we all know what usually happenes to those.

The cities on, and around the great plains of this world is a variety of kingdoms and independent towns consisting of a mix of humans, dwarfs, gnomes and even The occasional goblin. Depending on where you go, you might enjoy The visit, but keep in mind. There is always room for evil, where there is room for good.

Now in The beginning of this introduction i mentioned that "in The beginning there was sand". That is because in this world, there is one thing thats considered holy above all. That is the burial desert of Yamal. Sand, in this world, is considered The most cleansing of all. Therefore, for centuries, millenia, well since The beginning of time, all has buried or wanted to be buried in sand when they passed from this world to the next. Thus from sand laid to rest. From sand to be reborn.

Easy one would think, right? Sand is plentiful and basically everywhere! Not here. The only grains of sand in this world is in the burial grounds of Yamal. By some mysterious force of nature, sand can only be found here. Thats how it is, how it always have been and how it always will be. There can be sand nowhere else but Yamal. If one tries to break this rule, one will fail.

In this world, everyone is equal to the sands of time and its Guardians. Its a privilege to be buried in Yamal and not everyone can be buried here. Only the worthy is allowed entry and burial. This is determined by the rite of burial and this, is the final test. One to take very seriously if the goal is to be buried in the company of old.

Now who am I telling you all this? I am but a simple observer, an inspierer, at times I can be an instigator. But thats not important at the moment. What is, is our story and that begins in a fashion that you might expect after an explanation like this.

In a bathhouse, a girl named Ruth prepares her journey to fulfil her grandmothers last wish. To be buried in Yamal along with The Great ones of old…

Read:  YA Fantasy (107k words) critique partner/writing buddy

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