Well, I suppose I should give some context for this:

I started writing about two and a half years ago; my first book was a passion project were I had a vague idea about where I would end the story, but I made up most of the book as I wrote without a care in the world, simply putting ideas down on paper using amateurish dialogue and prose to convey my ideas. I had school while I was writing the book and still found ways to write, I posted on Wattpad and made myself write at least weekly unless exams or life stuff prevented me from doing so; but even still one thing remained the same: I was having fun!

And then I finished the book, or more accurately the first draft of my book. 203 pages of story, I was pretty proud of myself for doing something like that, and my family's praise only made that even more pronounced; and then I started to re-read the book to fix up spelling errors and stuff and nearly had a heart attack: twerpish and clunky prose, badly written dialogue and most of all a lack of finesse and detail that made the entire first half of the book feel like a really boring banker was telling the story while skipping out on all of the flavor and interesting stuff that a fantasy story ought to have. I'm aware that this is a normal thing in professional writing, but as a hobby writer who straight up writes for personal enjoyment and for my friends and family it shook me up a lot.

The thing that stuck out to me the most was that, throughout the entire process of writing, I really thought I was writing (slightly clunky) gold! Coming back with a years worth of writing and investigating hurt a lot, and so I began the editing process for the first book. I had to basically rewrite the entire first half (a process I am to this day still working on).

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Then I started getting new ideas, I wanted to Branch out and do other genres; I came up with a really cool sci-fi story idea and began to brainstorm and outline it, I had the whole thing sort of planned out and then tried to write but the whimsical feeling of writing without an awareness of your own faults is completely gone. I tell myself that I'm going to write, but it just isn't fun anymore, I overthink everything, every paragraph and dialogue line, I become obsessed with how a hypothetical reader might react to my prose and I start to get worried that my writing is boring and bland, and that all the emotional climaxes and detailed images of worlds and characters just don't translate well into paper because I just don't have the skill to put it there. I write entire chapters and then delete them because I read them and just don't feel like I'm writing stuff i'd like to read.

I want to write, I want to write badly, so badly. I have ideas that I know are great and interesting but the process of writing has become this slog were I'm hyper aware of every fault I have and I just cannot advance! I've been writing the first two chapters of my sci-fi book for months now and I cannot advance. Like I said, the kind of blissful ignorance I had that helped me write 203 pages of plot is no longer there and i worry that I'm being too demanding with myself.

I want to feel like writing is fun again, I want to be able to advance and make meaningful progress, to see the story in my head unfold on paper. I've tried everything: writing fanfic to reduce the stress of worldbuilding (which helped but i abandoned anyway for the same reasons stated before) I started reading more books to get perspective on how to write down stuff, but nothing has managed to help me. Talking with friends about the story and brainstorming with them usually helps, but none of them are ever willing to discuss the subject deeply because they just aren't invested in my hobby that much and I just feels like I'm wasting their time.

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Help. Please.

Source: reddit post


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