I finally completed my third fantasy book after several rewrites and editing stages, and I'm planning to send queries out to agents. All of my current beta readers are somewhat invested in the world and plot, however, so I'd like to get some outside feedback on how the first chapter reads to someone for the first time.
If it interests you, I'm always looking for people to trade critiques with, so pm me and we can talk 🙂
The premise is:
“A hidden heir to an ancient throne has emerged in the land of Torathia. Mysterious and unknown forces converge, to take control of the heir and use him for their own ends.
It’s going to be damn hard work behind the scenes to make sure it all goes smoothly. Lyra de Vassiel, an agent of the artificers’ guild, is in a race against time to find proof of his heritage, spread tales of his return, and set the stage for the return of the Torathian Shahs.
For Lyra, this is more than just a job. Rumours of her brother’s whereabouts have surfaced once again, this time pointing to the impenetrable prison of Banjay. With only Imran, a brooding but loyal mercenary, to help, Lyra has to change the fate of a Kingdom to get to him.
There are multiple forces at play against her, and each other. She will have to navigate the treacherous politics of Torathia to stand a chance of seeing her brother once more.”
Here is a link to the first chapter: