TL;DR: tips on giving someone who wasn’t meant to feel anything feelings? Think of it as a robot learning to be human and contemplating it’s role and existence and stuff for the first time
One of my soon to be main protagonists is supposed to be suddenly thrusted into a world of feelings, ranging from happiness to whatever lurks in the darkest reaches of our mind just out of sight. I felt like in order to build a character like her up, I had to break her just a tad bit more so she could truly flourish, I guess. Because of the way she came into the world and how she was treated as nothing but either a weapon or slave, or “raised” you can say. (still thinking of a word to describe someone who was genetically engineered to be a one-woman army) I’ve had one special character become her buddy to try to teach her the things she’s missed out on and begins to open her up slowly. Eventually, they begin to see each other in a different light even if it’s a confusing predicament due to her situation. (it’s all explained to her in due time) And one day finally, after a hard fought mission, she smiles for the first time when he congratulates her on her work. Then he dies. Brutally. Which is supposed to trigger all that stuff but I can’t seem to get it into words.
And unfortunately I myself am not the best when it comes down to this topic.
I’ve never been a totally empathetic person, my face and otherwise emotional state being a blank slate more often than not. This is a pretty hard challenge for me since I can’t properly relate and emphasize normally with her, while with others I can go off of research and by those I’ve either watched or know, who now that I think of it seems to be a mini me. I can research and ask questions, but once again it’s all come down to some assuming I’m a sociopath and I can’t get everything from reading alone. Any advice would help.