Hello, I'm an amateur writer and only write here and there. That being said, I would like feedback in regards to the fluidity of my writing, is it easy on the eyes? Is it like driving over a speed bump? Let me know!
This is a short story I wrote for a writing prompt of the same name, it has a dual story line which hopefully is easy to pick up on. Thanks in advance.
a soft pink light saturates the land as dusk settles, the breeze picks up ever so lightly.
"BRACE." is yelled out as the large outer wall of the marble city is struck with a large boulder.
"Where's Leon?!" The commander asks as he desperately tries to speak at a volume higher than the screams of the citizens as they flee to different parts of the city in panic.
"He said he'd be here by now, maybe the east wall is compromised! Maybe they got a hold of him!" The guard says with a air of terror in his voice.
"We can't focus on that right now, if the wall was compromised then he would have let us know. We need focus on destroying their catapults."
A cloud of fire and plumes of smoke erupt from the east side, dark winged figures can barely be made out through the heavy smoke and flame.
A man can be seen walking from the destruction.
"COMMANDER!". The figure yells out
"Leon is that you!?"
A dark soot covered Leon approaches with a blade still burning red of heat.
"How many did you see?" The commander asks with expectation.
"Doesn't matter, they have the sky." Leon replies
"Don't be foolish, they are myths. It's something else."
"I killed one, there's three more up there. You need to understand that, we need to evacuate the city. It's only a matter of time before they get impatient with the orcs' siege plans." Leon tryed to reason with the commander.
A small group begins walking toward the river as a casket is lifted onto the shoulders of capable men. Sorrow fills their lungs, and grief is heard in their mumblings
As the commander steps out onto the edges of the northern wall to reassure himself of his disbelief, he sees them.
Two, dark as night. Blue eyes with red pupils that almost seem to glow, wings like tattered leather that the fierce wind beats against. They surf through the clouds above.
The third, like an ember, bright orange torwards his center with the rest of his skin fading into a blood moon red. Piercing yellow eyes with a emerald green slit for a pupil. This one is much larger.
"Do you believe me now, sir" Leon says as he gingerly paces up behind him, sword still smoking.
"I've never seen them before" The commander mutters as his lips quiver in fear and disbelief as the massive creatures swirl around the east side.
"Are they looking for you?" The Guard directs his question to Leon.
"Well, considering I stabbed their friend through the heart as he snacking on our people, probably."
The clouds pass by at a serene slowness that contributes to the peace on an mournful night. The body is pulled from the box and gently placed on a small boat which is decorated with various flowers, herbs and spices to neutralize any smell of char that might remain. The boat is pushed off the bank
The time has come.
The dragons hurl themselves towards the city at impossible speeds, they all crash down into the inner palace courtyard which is made up of various high end shops and Inns. Wood splinters up and stone is crushed as whole city blocks are reduced to dust.
"They're going straight for the king." Leon says in passing as he begins sprinting towards the palace.
"We're dead, all of us" The commander remarks as he accepts the defeat of his own will. He walks off the edge.
"W- Wait!" The Guard screams as the commander takes his last step into certain oblivion.
Birds sing in the stillness of the night as if it was a bright new morning. A tip of steel is dipped into oil. The bow string tightens under the strain.
The dragons stand between Leon and the palace. One firm, booming, voice is heard.
The red one speaks
"You know the debt, oh king. The bones you used to build this city have come back for you. We have not forgotten." The low grumbling voice echoes through the now, almost empty, city.
The king steps out onto the balcony of the palace, over looking the courtyard. Meeting the beast, eye to eye.
The arrow, licked of flame, is released. It soars through the sky. Piercing, even through the clouds themselves.
The King holds up both his hands. "If it must be, but these people are not in debt to you. The foundation of this city is built on bones, yes. But it was me and my family that buried you're kind in the dirt, and it was our people that we invited to walk over them. The fault lies with me alone."
The creature replies. "You're terms are acceptable." The face grins.
Leon lowers the bow, wind brushing across the hair in front of his eyes, and looks on as the arrow falls from the what seems like the edges of the atmosphere and sinks into the boat.
"NOOOOO!" Leon lets out from the depths of his soul as the king welcomes the fiery grave he agreed to.
The ruby serpent lifts off as soon as the act is done, his acolytes follow.
The boat bursts into a beautiful green flame as it floats down the river. The pink light dances around the greenish flame as the king takes his last journey through the turquoise water. His last voyage. A voyage to nowhere.
The birds sing their song, the light grows dim, the people cry, the wind howls as the ruins continue to smolder.
Leon clutches his sword a little tighter.