I have a strong feeling that this is not the right place to post this, but I don’t know where else to go.

I have always been a reader, it’s helped me in so many situations. I love that reading takes me to another place of adventure, new worlds, different times. Reading helped me escape bullying and depression, helped me when I moved away from home and was homesick. I seek it for happiness, understanding and advice.

Recently my pop has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I’ve been looking after him while I can as my work gave me leave to be close when he took a turn. At the end of the night, after putting him to bed, I can’t read anymore. I can’t focus on the words, I can’t escape my mind and instead I sit in bed thinking of the “what if’s” and “when’s” of his health.

I have tried every kind of book from YA trash to insightful books, fiction and non-fiction, even asking dad to take over for a night to get a break and read… nothing helps. I don’t know how to handle this grief and pain without my books and that idea scares me.

I have familiar with surgery and am looking into grief counseling to deal with my feelings. But throughout my 25 years of therapy, it’s always been my escape and coping mechanism. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone know how to get myself back into reading and focusing on it rather than what’s happening in life?

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