I don't really write.

I have maybe 15 ideas for possible novels in notes scattered in notebooks, on my laptop, on my phone. Some of them are older, worlds I used to daydream about for hours at a time in high school. Some are more recent. I get ideas from stuff in my dreams, then I wake up in the middle of the night and write them down.

I find myself in a vicious cycle. I start drafting a project, full of that creative rush, until I slowly but surely disconnect from the whole project. I either get busy with bigger life things, or I hit a wall in the plot. It always ends the same. I convince myself there is no real reason to write, since I suck at it, since I'm never gonna study anything even close to it in college, since I probably will never get published, since I could spend my time doing something better. If it's not gonna make me money, it's not productive.

During this part of the cycle I waste time anyway. Whether it's video games or Youtube videos, I'm stuck to the screen, I can't confront myself. This goes on for months.

Until, it happens. Like this morning. I had a dream so long and so powerful it felt like a coming-of-age novel. In the dream, I was a girl and I was singing my heart out, then I was riding a motorbike, and I felt so much. It's like the story chose me to write it.

When I woke up, I immediately reached for my phone and wrote down the key parts of the dream. Then I added things, details, about the characters and the plot, like you would to notes for a book idea. Now it's no longer a dream, it's a potential book, with a plot, characters, major themes.

Read:  Could this character work?

This is the first part of the cycle and I can already see myself in 3 weeks from now, losing patience. I know the general advice is to just "write!" but… but. I just want to break out of this cycle.

I'm asking for advice, though this is more like a rant I had to get out of me.

TL;DR: Another aspiring writer who wants to drop the "aspiring" part of her title. Bet nobody on this sub is tired of this kind of posts, am I right?

Source: reddit post


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