Hello everyone, I just finished the creation story for my world and was hoping to get some feedback. The language is based off of Celtic dialect so I'm especially interested if anyone finds the words difficult to get past and what not. Let me know if it sounds too cliche as well.

My main goals with the creation story were to outline the central themes of the world (conflict,duality) and to setup potential story points later (missing Elder Races).

Thanks in advance!

The Creation of Ahn-Sial

In the beginning, the world existed in a state known as scartha, where the three parts of the world, the Land, Sea, and Sky, were separated and kept at bay from each other. In separation, the Diachts spent their time in peace, crafting their domains in emulation of themselves for they knew nothing else. In scartha, the Land crafted such things as hills, plateaus and plains for the Land valued strength. In scartha, the Sea crafted such things as the wind, waves and snow for the Sea valued movement. In scartha, the Sky crafted such things as the sun, moon and stars for the Sky valued the sublime. For a time these creations gave the Diachts happiness as they looked upon them, but it was not to last.

By forming their creations the Diachts also unwittingly created an unforeseen force within scartha, Neamhord. Neamhord was an agent of chaos and entropy and held scartha with contempt, for it imprisoned Neamhord from being itself. Faced with eternal suffering, Neamhord plotted it's escape for countless years to no avail. Tried as it might, Neamhord could not escape from scartha. In anguish, Neamhord destroyed itself by tearing at the threads of its existence, bringing forth the malevolent forces of anger, despair, and fear. These malevolent forces joined with the remaining elements of chaos and entropy and in unison thrashed against scartha in retribution for Neamhord’s demise. Together, they formed the Cuig-Corabah, or Five Corrupters of All Things. Now in a pitched conflict with forces both external and internal, scartha quickly receded against threats it could not have seen, hoping to still preserve itself in smaller form.

As scartha receded, the Diachts found themselves with the opportunity to expand and gladly did so, paying no thought for as to why they previously couldn’t. This action proved to be the killing blow to scartha and it ended in its dissolvement. Finally free, the five forces of the former entity known as Neamhord gazed upon the Diachts with glee. Lying before the Cuig-Corabah were three bountiful entities with which they could sow their natures in. The Diachts were both powerful and prideful however and so knowing they could not overcome the Diachts with force, the Cuig-Corabah disseminated themselves much like Neamhord, enticing the Diachts to expand. Ever greedy, the Diachts pushed forth until they eventually collided amongst themselves, joining to form Ahn-Sial whereupon the Five Corrupters spread their natures to this day.

Read:  What should I think about while creating a magic system?

The joining of the Diachts was not equitable, as the three parts desired for supremacy, having so long been the masters over their domain. From this joining emerged what came to be known as the Shanoid, six Elder Races vying for dominance over the land known as Ahn-Sial. Alongside the Shanoid came new creations derived from the Diachts’ convergence. From the Land and Sea came such things as the coasts, valleys and ice; From the Sea and Sky came such things as the clouds, day and night; And from the Land and Sky came such things as the mountains, flying stars and planets. As for the Shanoid, the conjunction of the Diachts created an imbalance in their natures that could never be rectified, a nature that inevitably led to conflict.

From the Land’s dominance came the Talam-Muir, beings of Land and Sea, and the Talam-Aer, beings of Land and Sky. From the Sea’s dominance came the Muir-Talam, beings of Sea and Land, and the Muir-Aer, beings of Sea and Sky. From the Sky’s dominance came the Aer-Muir, beings of Sky and Sea, and the Aer-Talam, beings of Sky and Land.

Much of what the Elder Races were remains a mystery for their appearances, customs and day to day lives are mired in obscurity. The only worthwhile knowledge we possess is in their conflict’s events and resolution. The First War as it is known began with the six races fighting in complete disarray. Every Race fought over petty gains with little to show for the blood spilled. A mountain here, a channel there, it mattered not, nothing was gained and a stalemate developed.

The Muir-Talam took this opportunity to recede into the depths of the sea, deciding to focus on their own affairs with far fewer people than when the war began. At around the same time, the Elder Races of the Land, the Talam-Muir and Talam-Aer, set aside their differences for a Talam alliance. This alliance troubled the Aer-Talam deeply and they sought an alliance of their own with the Aer-Muir. The Aer-Muir however resented the Aer-Talam and spited them for an alliance with the Muir-Aer, who had suffered great atrocities from the Aer-Talam in the beginning of the war. This action enraged the Aer-Talam who subsequently broke the stalemate between the Elder Races with a devastating attack on their Sky brethren. Caught completely off guard and far away from their Sea allies, the Aer-Muir were driven to extinction. Condoning the extinction of the Aer-Muir, the Talam alliance offered its support to the Muir-Aer who were now left without an ally. Gladly accepting to avenge the loss of their ally and to enact retribution on the Aer-Talam, the Muir-Aer joined with the Talam alliance to drive the Aer-Talam out of Ahn-Sial. Their combined forces succeeded in doing so but at great cost, for the Aer-Talam were perhaps the strongest of the Elder Races. With the Aer-Talam driven from Ahn-Sial, the Talam alliance declared victory but the Muir-Aer were not satisfied. They lusted for the extinction of the Aer-Talam and pursued after them into the Sky, never to return.

Read:  Critique my opening - would you keep reading? (700 words)

In the aftermath of the First War, the Talam alliance rapidly disintegrated into an uneasy peace mired by minor disputes between the two Land Races. In time the Elder Races mingled and evolved, forming new life between themselves and others. Even the isolationist Muir-Talam took part, although it is said to this day that their lineage remains the most pure of the Elder Races. As for the two Elder Races in the Sky, their fates remain unknown, perhaps for the best. This concludes the story of the creation of Ahn-Sial. What lays in store for the tumultuous world has yet to be seen but make no mistake, conflict will be at the heart of it. For as seen by this story, conflict is Ahn-Sial.

Original post


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here