First draft. All info that helps it improve is much appreciated.

Context: My character is far from the hero type. He is a criminal who will do anything for personal gain. This is (the basic idea) of his introduction. The trinket he takes from the Baron is a special object, akin to a Macguffin, but I haven't came up with a name for a small precious object yet.


"You do what I say, and the rest of this loaf is yours." The little girl's eyes widened. "Got it?" She wolfed down the small piece Arrik had given her, nodded her head, and disappeared into the crowd. This was a day of great joy for most citizens. For men like Arrik, great profit. He hoped it would work. The plan was simple enough, but the reward would be greater than most hauls.

Market Street was abuzz, moreso than usual. Fresh apples and berries of every kind lined large boxes, while fish and birds were hanged up above, swinging in the light breeze. In a bid to impress, one of the shops had deer meat on display. A vibrant rainbow of fruit and meat covered up the dull grey of the walls behind them. The Harvest had been brought in, and to the shopkeepers, it meant harvesting money.

"Fresh apples, picked off the tree just yesterday!" "We've got strawberries, raspberries, gooseberries, any and all berries are sold here!" "Anyone want deer meat?" Those were the only words Arrik could make out. The other voices were an unorganised choir, each singing their own songs of enticing, persuading, and haggling.

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At first the voices annoyed Arrik, made it hard to focus, but the same was true for bystanders. They were less likely to hear their belongings jingling out from their pockets. Then he saw his true prey; the Baron. Since being appointed, Baron Seamus had transformed Carrighor from a backwater settlement to a thriving township. He had created jobs, restored abandoned buildings, and public order was second to none.

Unlike other Barons, he wasn't afraid to walk unescorted. Of course, the only thing his liege lord cared about was the improved tax income. Still, there was no doubt he was popular with the people, especially with crime all but nonexistent, precisely why Arrik had came here. No competition, and no expectation.

The girl did what she was told. She approached the Baron and weaved a tragic tale of a sick impoverished family. The oldest trick in the book, but the Baron was naive and had a reputation to uphold. He reached for his wallet, only to find it gone. Something else was missing as well. He frantically rummaged through his pockets. He looked back only to find the girl gone.

"This… this will fetch a pretty penny", he thought to himself. The young man felt the trinket in his pocket and smiled. "Should keep me going for a few weeks." It's not like the Baron would miss it, surely he had a thousand others in his manor.

The Baron wasn't used to the idea of being robbed. He yelled that his wallet had been taken, and demanded the guards find the culprit.

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Arrik looked back at the girl. "You did well. Here's your bread, and a little extra." Arrik handed her the loaf and the wallet, still full of money. "Now run along."

The girl had barely walked away before Arrik yelled. "Thief! She took the wallet!" The girl looked back in confused shock, before breaking into a run. As the guards chased her down, Arrik walked the other way. When the guards finally subdued the girl, he was far from the scene.

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