Does the story sounds like a cliche?


I've been writing short stories for a while now, but I always had a bigger project in my mind. My currently WIP novel ha a lot of world building and thought put into it already and I have come here to ask your opinion in the story outline. These are all in fantasy genre.

The story goes with an MC who is a human noble who had every talent to rise up in his world and dedicated his life in doing so. The novel starts with him in a prison room that's called the endless pit. He was transported there around a week ago, he is being imprisoned for about a month now. For that month there were no questioning, no torturing, just chaining him down in one place where he could barely move. The only torture he suffered was because the runic engravings on the chains that shocked him when he tried to move too much.

After waking up in the pit he only sees two guard sitting by a table in the corner one with his helmet on the other had his helmet off and was noisy while they were playing a card game, this caused the MC to wake up in the first place. The MC tells him to shut up, in response the guard starts to beat him up. While the guard was beating the chained MC two other guard came down with an officer who finally started to question him after his dispersed the two guys who were guarding him.

MC tells the questioner that he didn't barely remember anything other than the mission he was tasked with. He tells the guards he was at the site to oversee the 'possible' peace negotiations between the empire and the elven kingdom of "Entheas". But the night before arrived to the place where it should have been they set up a camp and he had a wild drinking contest with the knights by the campfire while drinking on of the fines ales from "Violl’s Garden " .

This is where I'm a bit lost, because I haven't really worked out this. so I have two takes on it.

  1. A substance have been mixed into his drink that weakened his mind so someone took control of his body during the negotiations. Probably someone that can use telepathic, or other mind affecting magic.

  2. The day before they set up the camp they were ambushed by bandits (or some other group) and he had been barely cut with a poisoned blade, which also weakened his mind, but also affecting his body, so while the negotiations took place he was in his tent accompanied by a doctor.

After this the questioner tells him that when his guards in the area the "Blood Eagles" went to investigate they only found the MC standing on the pile of corpses with a drawn sword and the only possible way they could catch him is because he was unconscious and he barely regained his consciousness a week ago. Then they proceed to bring him out of the dark pit and throw him in front of the judges that dealt with everything within a region of the empire (mostly with military affairs like dealing with deserters and such.)

He tells the same story to the judges, but of course it doesn't matter, because they had already set up a sentence for him, which was execution for treachery tomorrow morning.

He had no choice but to believe the claims, because him loosing his control over his body has happened a couple times before, once or twice purposely, but most of the time he used it to deal with a larger number of foes. He also had no chance to escape by himself, because the chains either negated every magic he tried to use or shocked him in response of trying to use magic.

Tomorrow morning is here. The same two guards were in the shift to bring him out to the executioner. While the previously mentioned guard who didn't wear his helmet was asleep, but the one who had his helmet on wasn't. The one with the helmet on walked up to the chained MC woke him up. He took off his helmet and the guard turned out to be the MC's fiance undercover to find his loved one. She told him the truth about what has happened. He had his mind manipulated and thus he wasn't intentionally doing the things that happened. He was the one who killed everyone on site, there were no survivors from both sides. There is the catch the the elven ambassador was the queen in fact and she is the mother of the MC primary love interest.

She frees him and tells him that the confiscated equipments are on the 7th floor above them, which is still two floors below underground. The guy who is actually a guard wakes up, but soon after giving a sexist compliment to the MC's fiance she knocks him out and they go to get his gear.

I haven't though much about what could happen on the underground floors till they reach the 3rd upper floor and try to flee from the castle city of "Tahlmburg".

Other things happen while they are on the run in the city, but before they could escape the MC, his fiance and the others under her command are being lured into a trap that ends up in their death excluding the MC who now sworn's to find out who is responsible for all of this and to become stronger. He know of only one place where he can hide and get stronger at the same time, so he is immediately heading there.

The goal for him was to get into the territory of the council sate, a barely 200 years ago formed country where no matter of what background you come from or regardless of your race, you have a chance there. Which basically sums up that technology , magic and other things have advanced a lot in there, especially in their capital called "Torrinthe". They have a somewhat corrupted government who are fighting with the criminal underworld. There are also adventurers in the city, like anywhere else in the other kingdoms, but there is a lot of vigilante type requests that pay way better than others due to the criminal infrastructure of the place.

A bunch of things happen on the way to the Council states capital, the most important is that while he is still trying to hide he has to earn some money to get food. He got hired by merchants who later turned out to be slavers. He overhears 2 slavers talking about a 'fresh new one' so he follows the 2 to the tent they were heading towards. He finds out that they were talking about a 12 year old virgin demi-human girl. The two slaver wanted to see what a virgin demi-human girl feels like……you know the rest…

I still couldn't decide what race she is from, I will probably stay with my original idea that she is a cat like demi-human. demi-humans have the appearance of humans with minor traits to their animal look, like cat ears and tail and such with the represented animals possible powers like for cats is agility and luck…on the other hand there are beast men who look more like werebeasts, but still have a 'human like' mindset

There are only things to know. In my world demi-humans were created as an experiment that infused humans with animals. beast men were simply elevated animals, whilst werebeasts are the mindless beast men. All these experiments were done a long time ago by a group of magicians. The only one thing for extra is that demi-humans and beast men can only have child with the same animal species they were mixed with.

The MC saves the girl before that could happen, killing the 2 slavers. While this happens a group of knights ambushed the slave camp freeing everyone with the help of the MC. It turns out that the group of knights were commanded by one of the MC's disciple from the 'Imperial Academy'. He asks the MC's a couple of things then the MC explains everything to the guy. The knights captain understood what was happening, because he knew his mentor would never do such thing. The girl who was saved by him wants to stay with him, but the MC is so focused in his revenge that he wants to ditch her, later realising that he is wrong and finally accepting that they way he was about to go on was wrong….this turns to be a mindset changing experience to him that bring his old self back from before 'that' event. He took the girl under his wings..He cared for her like she was his blood related child, because of this she grows really close to him and views him as a father figure. (She was born into slavery, she never knew her real parents)


They arrive in the city and shit goes down that I still have to develop.

On the other side simultaneously shit goes down in the elven kingdom. After the other MC the primary love interest in the story (Meriel) finds that after her mother died at the negotiation's site that it weakened the royal family's hold so her father the king gets killed in a coup attempt by their armies generals that lead her and her younger brother to flee the kingdom.

Other things happen that I still have to work on…..

They make their way to 'Torrinthe' after some other shit happens that I still have to think about they meet the MC and the little demi-human girl (Shizune) //yes they are based of off japanese people by the names and culture due to them living with a eastern culture they adapted, but both the eastern people and them got occupied by the empire (which has no name yet, if you care to give something cool I'd appreciate it) Meriel and the MC are working together as a group to first set an end to the cities corruption, while they are at it she falls in love with the MC, but later turns out that he is the killer of her mother (this is still somewhat undeveloped of how will she find it out, possibly something including that the MC sister is going to contact him and she overhears it or something like that)

There I again have two takes on this.

1.She has an anger out lash and tries to kill the MC, but the MC's sister and squad mates stop her and try to talk sense to her, while they are holding her down Shizone come up crying to her telling her not to kill her "father", she also tells Merial that she know that he is a bad man and committed bad things, but now he changed and he is trying his best. After this she finally comes to her sense and after everything is explained to her she vows to help him find out who is responsible (probably this brings them closer to each other, or at least I hope I will be able to pull it off)

  1. Didn't really had something in mind, but the 1st take might be too cliche-ish or something

This is how far I developed this story in my head. I hope you will like it after I finally finish it (maybe in a chapter by chapter serialised form somewhere cuz' I don' really care to publish it to get money, I care about to bring a story to people that they will like….hopefully)

In the same universe I had two undeveloped stories one is a sequel to this that counties the story, but the MC and Meriels daughter as the main character

The other one is a really off topic in the same universe about a pirates or something like that.

This has been a long run, but I hope you like at least some of it. Every advice is appreciated and again thank you, if you have come this far and read it.

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