During my sophomore year of high school I took an intro to biology/environmental science course. There were two Kevins in the class (hand to bible their names were actually Kevin). They were both extremely odd, for reasons I will list below.

Kevin A: This Kevin was a big guy, built like a side of beef. A little bit metal, a little bit redneck. I once spent an afternoon in class watching him poke a needle stolen from the home ec room under the first layer of his skin. Nasty! I was put into a group with him, and we were assigned a project on parts of a river. He didn’t help at all during the creation of the power point, too busy deciding which body part to pierce next, and eventually we just assigned him the section on rapids. The day of the presentation we were all standing up front; his portion of the presentation went over two slides. The second slide was labelled “River Rapids Cont.” due to space limits. He dead ass looked at the heading, turned to us and said “what does that say, oh… its River Rapids Cunt”. The whole class lost it for a few minutes before the teacher could get control again.

Kevin B: this Kevin you could spot from a mile away. He always wore a black trenchcoat and top hat (very dapper!) He was the oddest person I have ever met- to this day. Completely harmless but one of those ticking time bombs where they will eventually stumble into their own Darwin Award. He asked the teacher why, if we were so genetically similar, did we not mate with monkeys (I believe Chimpanzees were his thing). Later that same year he decided to take a swig of methylene blue that we were using to dye samples and got a free trip to the hospital as soon as the teacher heard.

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