Ever since I was 15 a stupid fan-fiction that I had written on a certain website that I will not disclose has, over the course of 7-8 years, been taking shape in my head to be it's own thing. A three part story. I used to write little excerpts from little scenes I would think about in my head constantly. I filled entire notebooks with this shit, but I would eventually toss them aside because by then I'd have some better characters or have reworked the story entirely, characters and all. Or maybe even added new plot points in the story that I found interesting. I could never structure or fully organize it. It would just be whatever my head wanted to day dream about or sometimes I would watch a movie or read something and that would spark an idea to add to the story. I am being completely serious and not exaggerating at all when I say this, but there has not been a single day where I have not thought about the story in one way or another. I used to write excerpts for it all the time, but ever since I graduated High School I've been less and less motivated to keep writing about it, yet it's still in my head and I can't let it go. I would think about it everyday, but months would go by and I still would not feel like writing about it because sometimes I would convince myself that the whole thing is just stupid and that I shouldn't spend my life pursuing this stupid dream. On rare occasions throughout the years, I would actually just load up a Google Doc and just start writing certain scenes that would play out in my head, but I would eventually stop because I would think it's garbage or wasn't happy with how I was presenting it. Nowadays I just use it as a means of escape when I'm at work and I allow myself to get lost in my head daydreaming about cool scenes that I love thinking about over and over again to distract myself and just make time go by. However, sometimes I would think about something really cool and want to officially add to the garbled mess of daydreams that I draw from time to time, but would forget about it and it would frustrate me to no end.

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Recently, I've actually started a google doc that is somewhat of an attempt to organize thoughts and ideas in my head. Writing down certain plot points or whatever so that I wouldn't forget them. If I thought of something cool, I would add it to the doc, however it is still just nonsense. I have a basic idea of how I want the story to go and have a cast of characters that I'm content with, but the main problem still stands. I CAN'T WRITE IT! If I try, I'll get bored of the scene I'm and want to think about something that happens in the two other stories, which contain different characters and story arches. It's the same universe, just set in different time periods and with different people doing different things in said universe. I'm 22 now, and as the responsibilities of adult life slowly become more and more present in my life, the more I become unmotivated to pursue this dream of mine. The unlikely hood of success gets me every time and I have other things I want to do in life, but I still want to at some point in my life get this out there. If I don't do this some time in my life, I will go insane. I feel like on my deathbed I'll still be thinking about this and the last thing that goes through my mind won't be of my friends, or family, but of a scene from a story that had culminated from early teenage angst and formed into something of a brain child that I had neglected for nearly a fucking century.

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I just want to know if anyone here has had similar experiences. I'm curious as to how you dealt with it and if you have actually overcome……whatever this is.

Source: reddit post


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