Help please, thanks.


I'm a hobbyist, and new to writing so I'd like it if someone gave me some tips and suggestions on how to improve this draft that I wrote for practice. What can I do to make this more interesting to read? Thanks.

Now, the cavern had the looks of a small village about it. The tunnels had been lined with flaming torches to light the way, and nearby caves were prepared for future newcomers. Though they were welcomed with open arms, Elijah was strict against those who acted out of accordance, and after establishing his place as the leader it seemed that everyone had a job to do. The need to keep a low profile was often reinforced; all was in order, or so it seemed.

For though there was order for the most part amongst the villagers, Vic had sensed a disturbance deep underground, far below the cavern. At first, she had dismissed it to be none other than her own imagination, but as the days shrank shorter and the nights grew longer, it had grown more and more apparent to the dark mage. Strange voices accompanied by a slight rumbling, like a tremor in the earth that only she could feel, but softer and deeper, almost from within. It grew in size and strength and gnawed away at her conscience until, one night, she decided to heed its call.

It had rained the day before, so it was that the black waters of the lake stood high upon the shores. She had snuck herself out of her residence and had made her way down to the water's edge, guided by the lantern-lit path that winded its way through the huts, and now it beckoned her to descend. The voices were strongest here and she peered down into the fathomless depths, yet only her face was there to greet her. There was no other way. Driven either by her intense curiosity, or a strong need to rid herself of the voices, she looked around to check for prying eyes, and waded out into the lake.

She only had a moment to feel the water's cold embrace upon her, before the flickering amber lights of the lanterns and the silver shine of the moon whirled and spun out of existence. For a second she felt weightless and her stomach churned, until her feet found solid ground and the water vanished from around her. Resting a hand on a nearby rock, she regained her balance and looked around.

The familiar smell of the mossy caves met her; she was in a cave, but there was no sign of any village around her. Only a tall, gaping mouth in the wall presented her with an exit. Above it, there lay a carving in the stone – a helmeted skull that loomed over the demigod. Something that seemed like sunlight cast its rays down into the cave and she shielded her eyes against the glare. She frowned, for she was sure it had been midnight mere moments ago. Four tombstones lined the stone steps below the skull. Perhaps they once held writing, but any sign of it would have all perished under the growth of the moss. The voices were louder now, yet she could not make out their words. They came from the doorway, and, seeing that there was no where else to go, she stepped through into the darkness.

A single ray of light illuminated a lone monolith, made from stone she had never seen before. It was rectangular in shape and stood upright, and from its base a labyrinth of small ridges and grooves wove itself into a circle several metres wide. Entranced, she placed a hand upon its surface.

Within that moment, a torrent of natural energy surged into her. Her hand burned with pain and she tore it from the monolith, stumbling away with ringing ears. Her blood dripped from her palm, and through streaming eyes she watched as the crimson drops grew larger and larger in size until it was a stream that ran along the ridges and grooves in the floor. The monolith lurched and descended into the ground as, unknown to the young demigod, a deep and ancient magic was reawakened from a time long, long ago. As she ran from the cave, as the roof crumbled and fell around her, as the light flickered and plunged her into darkness, she made out a line from the voices within her head. A voice that spoke a single sentence, the first that she could understand from a bygone language. Then everything went out.

Inside the cavern where the villagers dwelled, the first crack of the morning sun dawned upon the waters. The mountains roared and rumbled, shaking loose the rock from the ceiling high above where the birds took flight in a cacophony of noise. Ethan was jerked awake; he steadied himself to his feet and noticed right away something magical pulsing through the rock.

“What's happening?” He heard Pearl call out from the room next door.

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