I have four POV characters, but two main characters. I'm worried about one character (Eiwyn) being a Gary Sue as he's a pretty bright and the story largely revolves around him (not to mention being something of a Chosen One). One thing about him that I think makes him less of a "perfect" character is his personality, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. He's a 13-year-old boy who's a little spoiled and can be a bit self-centered and stubborn at times. and can get a little pouty when things don't go his way (in the beginning). This is largely a result of his dad (the other MC) being a little overprotective and wanting to "protect" him. A main part of their development over this book is Eiwyn being more considerate and taking responsibility for his actions and his dad learning to let go and allowing Eiwyn to take risks.

My main concern is having Eiwyn, one of the MCs, starting off with a "less than ideal" personality that I worry may be off putting. I don't necessarily agree that having an "annoying" character (I don't think that Eiwyn is at that point, but maybe I'm wrong?) is necessarily a bad thing, especially as middle school kids can be annoying know it alls who care only about themselves, but basically introducing the MC with some of his "less than flattering" traits as well as the good might not be the best idea. We see Eiwyn in the beginning of Chapter One (see post history if interested) when the dad is reading him a bedtime story (not-Percy Jackson), but this is his first POV chapter and when we really get to see more of who he is.

Read:  Critique of my Fantasy Races/Societys

This scene has two parts (WCs in title), so feel free to read just one or both. Yes, the beginning of the chapter is clearly a dream, but I think it's fine as we left him as he was going to sleep and this recurring dream is part of the fantasy elements in this (very) low fantasy story and this is the second chapter (third if including prologue) and throughout the book we see that he's rather imaginative and equates fantasy with reality which influences his actions. I have shown this excerpt to my writing group for critique, so no need to comment on any of the prose/story/etc stuff. It's just the personality stuff I'm concerned with at the moment and whether or not he's unlikable to the point where people (i.e. you) want nothing to do with him.

Thank you.

Chapter 2.1

Edit: formatting

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