I recently finished reading an amazing story, possibly my favorite story ever.

I was so moved and bewildered by almost every aspect of that story, that (even though I didn’t understand it completely) I actually found through it motivation to start writing myself. I felt like I could expand on its message, like I myself could craft a story that would offer valuable insight when it comes to the aforementioned message. True, it would in some ways be a love letter to the story that so impacted me, but it was my intent that my work could still stand on its own. I am not making any claims to what I would actually end up with, just stating my intents and passion

So I started working on it. I wrote quite a bit. And here is where the bad things start to occur.

One day after I started working, I played “the beginner’s guide”. For those of you who don’t know what it is, let me first say that I highly recommend playing it even if you don’t like games. Even watching a stream of it is very valuable( it’s also ~1:30 hours long).It is a game about what art means, both to the creator and the “consumer”. It seriously challenged my ideas of exactly why I wanted to write a story. It planted the seeds of doubt in me and while I think I have now reconciled in my mind why I am doing this, it was still a blow to my determination. It started wavering

Today I went to see a play, which, in turn, seemed almost as if it were written for the sole purpose of undermining the philosophy and ideas I wanted to pass to people through writing. It did a great job of showcasing flaws of the message I wanted to portray that I had not myself considered that much. Keep in mind that I went into this play blind; I had no real intention of challenging myself or bettering my understanding of the philosophy through this experience. I wasn’t ready. I am still currently trying to salvage my ideas from the barrage of criticism they faced. (Though thankfully I think I can see ways to do that)

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Finally, after returning home, while trying to relax a bit and sort through my thoughts (still currently thinking about both of the previous two events that certainly took their toll on me) I happened upon an interpretation of some parts of the story (the one that started this whole thing) that in my opinion heavily undermines the entire experience as well as the message, while also being pretty much unavoidable after careful examination of the evidence cited.

Three heavy blows at very quick succession. I feel like the pillars on which my determination and passion lay have been corrupted. I personally don’t believe in “fate” or anything of that sort, but if there were such a thing it would definitely be telling me to stop. Yet I want to continue. How do I keep myself going?

Source: reddit post


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