March 9th, 2009, I was a student in college, working on graduating that fall. My grades were up and I was studying harder than ever because I could not fail. When I set my mind to something, I don't stop, even if it kills me. I will lose sleep just to get what I want.

But March 9th, 2009 was the hardest day of my life. My mother was battling cancer for the 5th time in her life. That day, was the day she couldn't battle anymore. At 7pm that night, she passed away. My grades slipped, and I barely graduated College with a Bachelors of Science in Cinema Studies.

That day my dream of working in films died. A dream I had been pursuing my entire life. I learned how to act, how to write, Audio, film, Video, and editing all to achieve that dream. But that night and the years that followed, I couldn't help but think that she wouldn't have seen how I have grown.

I fell into a deep depression, I stopped caring. Even when I had an infection in my mouth, I didn't care. I wanted to die but I wasn't suicidal. All that infection cost me were 14 of my teeth. To this day I am still fighting my insurance to get dentures.

The darkness took hold, deeper than ever. The demons inside my mind were destroying me. For 8 years, I couldn't pull myself out of it.

April 7th, 2016, something changed. I was reading an article, an interview with an actress named Chloe Grace Moretz, in that interview she talked about the struggles of her family and how she lost people closest to her and something in my mind made me think about everything. If this person who was a lot younger than me could pull through the hard times in her life, I had no room to sit around wallowing in self pity.

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That thought made me decide a new direction in my life. I would focus on writing, something my mother thought I was always good at. Something she thought I should do. I knew it was going to be hard. I have no writing credits to my name and I am trying to make something of myself and lift myself up higher than I have been. So I focused, and I finished 1 manuscript, 3 rough drafts, and took every ounce of energy in to trying to make everything perfect.

But no Literary Agent will take someone with no credentials. Not unless I have the most perfect manuscript in the world. 23 rejection letters first. Caused a slide into depression, but I didn't stop. I can't stop. I looked at everything in the first manuscript and tried again, 12 rejection letters this time.

I am not going to stop because I can't. I put three years into this and you can't walk away when you put that much work into something. I should try self publishing but, last resort as I am not good at marketing. But I can't because I want to live up to something more than myself. I need to do this for myself and my mother's memory.

Thank you for reading.

Source: reddit post


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